To the disappointment of her fans in Perthville, who had hoped to stream her live in action from Sochi, this Figure Skater decided to boycott the Winter Olympics.

She is instead letting the grass grow under her skates by freely exhibiting her skills to all and sundry at the town’s fun park.

When it was put to her that she was a conscientious objector to the Games, she nodded. “You ain’t never lie.”