The AFL player booked him weeks ago to swallow swords at his wedding, but the Sword Swallower was late to the gig. He locked his keys in his car, and missed the wedding entirely.

When he arrived late, he still did his act, but in his distress the Sword Swallower cut off his own tongue.

Now he is, of necessity, looking for a new job.

Maybe the Theatre Directors will pick him up for Titus Andronicus, if they ever decide that Shakespeare is good enough for their new theatre centre.