No one could accuse this policeman of lack of initiative, or lack of nationalism.

First manoeuvre: he rescued the Bride from her near-demise at the crash scene.

Second manoeuvre: he brought the Bride under police escort (i.e. just him) to the fun fair to marry the now drunk AFL player (“Who can blame the groom?” quipped the Policeman. “His Bride was hours late!”)

Third and final manoeuvre for the day: he threw Michelle Obama from the octopus to ensure there was room for the Bride. The First Lady had been getting to know the inebriated AFL player in order to take her mind off the President’s paralysis.

“I’m a Crown servant, but I have no obligations towards the American First Family,” the Policeman said with pride.