It turns out that Perthville’s sole white elephant belongs to the Giant Woman and her man friend, which makes such good sense that we wish we’d said so before.

But now the precious animal is lost. The Giant Woman is striding around town with her Giant Man looking for their pet, crying out to all she meets, “Have you seen a white elephant recently?”

No, Giant Woman, you should have read The Perthville Times’ article on how rare a species white elephants are in Perthville. But if you’re desperate to find another one, we suggest you leave Perthville and go to Perth, where quite a few continue to lurk unharmed.