The Childcare Worker has, most appropriately, decided to be the personal nanny for Perthville’s Child Star. It’s an unprecedented move that many in the community regard as radical, but the worker is unfazed.

“My results speak for themselves,” he said proudly. “I mentored Justin Bieber in his early years. I was an au pair for Miley Cyrus. I even brought up LiLo. If you’ve got a child star on the cusp of maturity, look no further than me.”