The Festival Director is here lying in a compromising position in the gravel next to an unforgiving track. He fell off the roof of Perthville’s new theatre while fixing the shingles.

Potentially, potentially (we whisper), he may have been sabotaged by the Theatre Directors, who were the only others up on that roof with him.

Rumour has it he was arguing with them about their choice of “The Gruffalo” as maiden performance.

Ay! We’re with you on that one, Mr Festival Director.