Sorry to the Security Guard about whom this poem is written, but our source only speaks in rhyme, and this is all we could get out of them:

At an Irish pub

very late at night

Someone drank too many beers and they 

started a fight.

Guard broke it up

but went down hard

The baddies ran for their lives as they felt

pretty drunkard.

Even later they returned

back into the pub

Beat up the bar staff and threw bottles into the 

fairground.

*this poem continues but it doesn’t get any better. We’re going to cut it off right here. The least, and the most we can say for it, is that it is all true.