This is an exclusive report about how the Martial Arts Expert LITERALLY fought off death.

Want to know what’s good about this article?

We’ve used the word “literally” once already, and correctly.

This Martial Arts Expert, who some of us know quite well, literally fought off Death today.

Death saved Barack Obama earlier in the day, but on second thoughts Death felt down in the mouth about that because, undeniably, he is actually supposed to be not some hero, but Death: resident of Perthville, and basically not the guy you want at your parties.

He was going to kill the Senator to bring on events in the coup, but now Death’s set on killing the man he just saved to reassert his manliness.

Obama, though, has considerable initiative, and has already retained the Martial Arts Expert to protect him from Death.

Today the Expert threw himself in front of Obama and saved him from Death.

Literally.